All of my interactions with German immigration have not only happened in Germany, but at an office in the town I was living in at the time: the initial residence permit application, the first renewal, and the renewal where the Beamterin (government employee) helpfully pointed out that as the spouse of a German citizen, I had been resident long enough to go ahead and apply for a Niederlassungserlaubnis (permanent residence; aka, German equivalent of a Green Card).

Six weeks and 255 Euro later, it was in my hand. I have to “renew” it every ten years, but that’s only because the card needs to match my US passport number (and means I don’t have to carry that book around); there’s no interview or document gathering.

In the EU you can apply for a permanent residency card when you're in the country. One of the prerequisites is how long you have been in the country where you're applying. It seems unlikely the other countries have the same policy as the US has now.

UK's 'indefinite leave to remain' (closest thing to a green card) requires that you apply from within the UK. https://www.gov.uk/long-residence/apply-to-settle

You apply for permanent residency in Japan from Japan.

Posting comments in bad faith is not funny, e.g. EU permanent residency requires 5 (or 7) years to have been resident already.

It is false for the UK.

The whole system of US of needing to leave the country to even renew visas is absolutely bizarre and does not have analogues in most other countries (at least EU/UK)

Completely false for Australia.

Australian immigration rules are definitely not like this.

Whenever I see something this obviously false on a forum, it’s always a head scratcher.

Perpetrator of misinformation or victim? Ignorant or malevolent?

Nonsense.