Can't speak to ORMs, but I'd have a look at SolidStart. If you need an API, add in tRPC. End result is highly typed, can do SSR, and once you get used to it, it's a much better experience than using React.

I still haven't found an ORM with JS that really speaks to me.

> there are so few rails people available (compared to js) that it's not viable for any professional project

I don't think this is true; Shopify is a Rails shop (but perhaps it's more accurate to say it's a Ruby shop now). It feels easy to make a mess in Rails though, imo that's the part that you could argue is irresponsible