> the user inclusion part is real too. the best results i get aren't from fully autonomous agents, they're from tight human-in-the-loop cycles where i'm steering in real time. the model does the heavy lifting, i do the architectural decisions and error correction. feels more like pair programming than automation.

Precisely. This is why I use Zed and the Zed Agent. It's near-unparalleled for live, mind-meld pair programming with an agent, thanks to CRDTs, DeltaDB, etc. I can elaborate if anyone is interested.