Nobody wants those, and nobody wants this.
Just because you don’t want it doesn’t mean <checks notes…> a billion or so people don’t want an iPhone. Or rather, a phone they don’t have to dick with straight out of the box.
OTOH, I don’t really even know what you’re on about. Android is a nightmare because…it’s like iOS, which is “take phone out of box, restore from backup, sorted”? That doesn’t even make any sense, especially in light of what TFA describes.
For many people around my area, iPhones are a status symbol choice. Not a coherent or direct software+ecosystem choice.
I've seen arguments around chosing iPhone for their camera. But the vast majority that is tech iliterate stops around that argument.