alt Hacker NewsI'm two years ahead of you in this journey. I got divorced after just over a decade with my partner. Social engagements to me were always ad-hoc. I suck at planning so I often found myself more alone than I'd like.
Looking back on the last two years and auditing what worked, I would say routine and lingering were the most important thing.
Trying new things is mentally draining and labor intensive, this is a fact of life for many. What worked for me was finding something I enjoyed (exercise classes) and doing it consistently multiple times a week at the same place for months. With repetition, it's very easy to make new friends. Complaining about one exercise one week turns into making comments about the music the next, and all of a sudden you're getting coffee with friends.
At the start it was very difficult, and I was very bad, but now I'm part of a community and have many close friends. Its a hour per day most days of the week. It's also a jumping off point for everything else social. It provides purpose and self-confidence. Which are prerequisites for everything else meaningful in life.
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"With repetition, it's very easy to make new friends."*
*Assuming you possess the necessary social skills.
I've trained BJJ consistently for over 4 years now. I think fondly of all the people there and feel accepted, but we barely talk, and I'm unable to participate in the locker room camaraderie.
This is probably not a problem OP has, I just felt the need to complain.
Wonderful advice Geoff, that's the same kind of thing I started doing when my relationship broke down. You find your community, and the rest will come.
you hit the nail here.. repetition is key! that’s what happens at a workplace or school. You show up every day, do your thing, and have small interactions here and there. Over time, those interactions grow, and you get to know each other on a deeper level and become friends.
This can be replicated with similar activities that involve a schedule, like joining classes, volunteering, or whatever else fits that kind of setup.
One other thought to drill deeper into regarding lingering.
I'm the type of guy that always moves with purpose. When I'm done doing something, I'm quick to leave. Looking back on my life so far, I think this has often been mistaken as antisocial.
Every event involving humans is default social. Leaving quickly precludes much of life's social whimsy.