I have noticed that when I encounter an HTTP-only web site, I know I am in for a pleasant, calm, well-curated experience, and I mean that without a hint of irony.

I don't have a lot to say about the technical discussion here, other than "TLS null cipher could be fine but also a lot more infrastructure than desirable", which could subvert your intent here.

Maybe we should normalise TOR usage before it becomes a surefire signal to the FBI to raid one's home.