> but often I also don't want to be an asshole to my community & reject all their changes.

I know its difficult, and i have no easy answers. I'm bad at it too. But sometimes saying no is the most valuable thing you can do as a maintainer.

That said, i think banning is about behaviour not the quality of the patch. Everyone writes a bad patch now and then, that is not a real issue. If there is an issue with a patch, and the contributor pushes back so hard you feel like changing your mind (not from logic but because you feel beaten down) - that is unacceptable behaviour and should not be tolerated from a contributor, even if they are otherwise a valuable contributor.