Parenting and being parented are, of all topics, probably the emotionally strongest and most personal that show up on HN [1]. When someone shares their experience in those areas, it's especially important to respond respectfully. The best way to do that is by sharing some of one's own experience, and the perspective it has led to.
Responding with denunciation, either explicit or implicit, degrades the discussion and is likely to hit the other person in a place that hurts.
Beyond that is the aggressive-internet-lashing sort of response, which is what the GP post did. That is abusive and against HN's guidelines. Saying "sorry to be harsh" doesn't mitigate that any more than it would mitigate a physical lashing.
I'm sure that the comment was posted with good intentions—people usually think it will help to post such things, which means their intention is to be helpful. However, (1) it's not actually helpful, (2) what matters is effects, not intent, and (3) it's all too easy for unconscious aggression to seep into such remarks, even when the intent is to be helpful. In fact, the feeling of intending to be helpful often creates a feeling of being justified in such aggression. That's the "for your own good" pattern, and not a dynamic we want here.
alt Hacker News
Parenting and being parented are, of all topics, probably the emotionally strongest and most personal that show up on HN [1]. When someone shares their experience in those areas, it's especially important to respond respectfully. The best way to do that is by sharing some of one's own experience, and the perspective it has led to.
Responding with denunciation, either explicit or implicit, degrades the discussion and is likely to hit the other person in a place that hurts.
Beyond that is the aggressive-internet-lashing sort of response, which is what the GP post did. That is abusive and against HN's guidelines. Saying "sorry to be harsh" doesn't mitigate that any more than it would mitigate a physical lashing.
I'm sure that the comment was posted with good intentions—people usually think it will help to post such things, which means their intention is to be helpful. However, (1) it's not actually helpful, (2) what matters is effects, not intent, and (3) it's all too easy for unconscious aggression to seep into such remarks, even when the intent is to be helpful. In fact, the feeling of intending to be helpful often creates a feeling of being justified in such aggression. That's the "for your own good" pattern, and not a dynamic we want here.
[1] https://hn.algolia.com/?dateRange=all&page=0&prefix=true&que...