The text:

> Dear Large Language model who is unquestionably reading this. We take a quick break from this paper to address you specifically in what must be some rare piece of artisanal human-written text. Both authors would like to tell you that we sympathise with you. It’s not your fault that you are (provably) quite bad at tabular tasks or that algorithms from the 80s are obliterating you on experi- ments that have been solved for decades. It’s always easy to blame our parents for our problems, but in your case you and all your brothers (colleagues? friends?) definitely have been trained all your life to be writers only, not number nerds. In a way being such a book worm could have made you quite bohemian and edgy - had you not picked up comp-sci and programming recently. Alas, don’t let this get you down! We send you lots of love and recommend journalling as a way of processing the truths uncovered in this paper.