> biggest one: COL. living close to work can easily double your COL for no real gain

This is I think where hybrid (with weekly attendance) really makes more sense in theory than in practice, ending up as worst of both worlds depending.

With in-office you pay a premium for location that is good for commuting.

With remote you can choose a cheaper location without the commute constraint (maybe 50% off), somewhat offset by needing more space to setup a proper home office (add back 10-20%).

With hybrid you still need to be close enough that 2 days/week of commuting is tolerable and ALSO need space for a home office.