alt Hacker News> I would not condemn anyone who refused to be in a relationship if the other person had an autistic child.
Let me correct that for you,
> I would not condemn anyone who refused to be in a relationship if the other person had a child.
Being a step parent is one of the most difficult things a person can do.
If you can’t or don’t want to do it that’s fine.
That's a good correction. Heck, leaving space for the child to grow up and have their mom when they need them and not helping if it is not asked for is difficult at times.
From my admittedly limited experience, the parent and child have relationship that will keep you on the outside even if the family has made a conscious choice to include you as a step parent. I have made a conscious choice to be okay with being on the outside.
My deepest relationship and commitment is with my partner. Everything else is secondary... except maybe watering the plants in the garden during a drought.