I know that there's a really strong culture in the software world around downvoting anything that looks or smells like "hand-rolled cryptography", but this is my actual profession and specialization within the software world, and most of what I'm seeing in this thread is knee-jerk reactions to an unexpected technique rather than careful intellectual commentary and consideration of the merits of the technique.

I am happy to have a discussion with you at the deepest technical levels of applied cryptography, this is not something I blindly made up on my own. I'm well studied in the field and can readily defend this technique.