I frame this differently - it’s about getting out of your own head and think about what’s useful to the other person. And making this a habit so it’s easy.

Providing feedback on the meal is useful for their next guest, if they are interested in improving. If they aren’t, just say it’s fine and move on.

Shifting focus outside of yourself is covered in a lot of areas but Never Split The Difference stuck with me, written by a hostage negotiator.

I'm not sure I needed a resource; I just kind of felt like I should optimize for "not wasting people's time" and "not misleading people".