I went hunting but it seems this isn’t even rumoured.

I want something like a Synology for the drives, but with something like a Mac Mini for the computer. Ubuntu or similar.

I’ll keep dreaming.

I know they'll never do this but, by god, I would line up so fast for a mini oxide that I can homelab out of.

Oh hell yes. Throw us a bone @bcantrill

NixOS is the perfect homelab solution. You don't really want an overengineered VM monstrocity - that stuff is only needed to work around coporate process insanities.