As an old school hacker ... I feel your pain.
Words change meaning all the time. I vividly remember when 'coder' was used as a diminutive, much like the later script-kiddie or code-monkey - "A software developer of little skill or knowledge". Today, people habitually call themselves that.
The irony of calling yourself a hacker while complaining about new words being cringe when hacker is the epitome and grandfather of all cringe names in this domain.
The way I always understood it is that "coder" is a broad term that includes writing non-turing complete languages like HTML and CSS as well as turing complete languages, whereas the term "programmer" is more specific to writing executable code.
Nowadays I'm not sure anyone is employed writing only HTML and CSS but in the 90s and 00s it was definitely a distinction worth making.