When I last looked at this (a couple of years ago), it wasn't just the cost difference—the ECC memory available to purchase was also slower than non-ECC offerings, or at least cost significantly more if I actually wanted the same speed. At least for me, going ECC simply didn't make sense.
Caveat that I was building a gaming PC at that time, I might have gone differently for a home server. And, this was before the memory market went nuts for unrelated reasons.
There are absolutely fast DDR5 ECC DIMMs[1]. Just break out your wallet (and piggy bank, and rainy day fund, and..)
The main reason there aren’t more options here is that a) high-frequency memory usually isn’t sufficiently stable, unless binned, and b) there’s very, very, very little demand.
[1] https://v-color.net/products/ddr5-ocrdimm-amd-wrx90-workstat...
Yes, ECC DIMMs are available only for the memory speeds guaranteed to work by the manufacturers of CPUs, like Intel and AMD, e.g. for up to DDR5-5600 in UDIMMs or DDR5-6400 in RDIMMs.
The "gaming" DIMMs are available in much greater speeds, which are "overclocked" speeds, i.e. there exists absolutely no guarantee from Intel or AMD that they work at the advertised speed, even if they frequently do work.
However, with such overclocked DIMMs, you do not know how well they work. They might work most of the time, but e.g. in a hotter room they might have an error or two per day without you noticing, especially if the computer is used mainly for games.
For someone doing anything professional on a computer, overclocked DIMMs are not an acceptable choice.
The same reason your utility trucks isn't rated for 200KM/H speeds.
Intel and AMD segmented the market. Workstations and servers use registered memory. Desktops use unregistered memory. Most desktop motherboards or CPUs do not support ECC. And most people who want ECC want reliable more than fast. So ECC unregistered above standard speed memory is made and priced for a niche. But this would change if ECC was standard.