logoalt Hacker News

afctoday at 8:48 AM3 repliesview on HN

Interesting perspective. Your first paragraph also describes my experience, perfectly.

However, even though I also think nothing comes even close to parenthood for me, my perspective is that society strongly encourages —I'd even say strongly pressures— people to have kids, to feel that if you don't, it's almost like something is wrong with you. Maybe we're just different generations? :-)


Replies

JKCalhountoday at 12:42 PM

I never felt that pressure to have kids. In fact, even though I waited until I was in my mid 30's, I was the first in my social circle to have kids (I guess I hung around with younger people?).

I knew since I was a kid myself that I wanted to someday be a father. If society pushed me, it would have been when I was still in elementary school.

After I had kids though… It was strange to scroll through coworkers social media feeds and see the same photos of groups of 30-somethings holding up wine glasses while the waiter (I assume) takes their photo at some fancy restaurant in the Bay Area. It all seemed so… hedonistic? Or maybe just kind of empty.

Becoming a father gave me purpose that was (finally) not about me any longer.

And now, the nest empty, I still am unable to go back to that person I was before. (Whoever that was.)

show 1 reply
thenoblesunfishtoday at 10:32 AM

I think it's social pressure in some cultures, but even in those (sub)cultures which don't have the explicit pressure to have kids, people have a drive to procreate. I cannot tell you how many couples I know who decided they would not have kids, or would only have one, and at a certain point one partner (usually a woman in their late 30s or early 40s if I am being honest) decided this was the most important thing and no amount of money or career setbacks or relationship turmoil wouldn stand in the way.

show 1 reply
kakaciktoday at 9:00 AM

No modern western society does that, for quite some time. Maybe specific people around you behave so, but society as a whole? Nah

show 1 reply